Clarissa and Zachary

My mother Donna wanted to contribute a bit to our blog. She wrote about my first date with Clarissa from her perspective.

I will admit that when Zachary and Clarissa would go out together during their college breaks I would secretly raise an eyebrow and wonder if there was something going on between them. I had the good sense, however, to keep my mouth shut. Zachary’s sister, Chelsea, did not.

I lost track of the number of times the following scenario played out: Zachary would come home and Chelsea would ask how his date went. Zachary would reply that it was not a date. Chelsea would then start grilling Zachary about what it was, if it wasn’t a date. At this point I would step in and remind Chelsea that Zachary and Clarissa have been good friends since the fourth grade. Next, I would take Chelsea aside and chew her out. Chelsea would respond that she would just like to see them get together. I would tell her that I would like to see them get together, also. However, her badgering him about it was not going to make it happen. I would end my lecture by demanding that Chelsea, “GET OFF HIS BACK!”

We had all gone to mass the evening of Thursday, August 14, 2008 because it was a holy day. Zachary and Clarissa had plans to leave from church to go see the new Batman movie. Chelsea suggested they take her along. Zachary and Clarissa replied that they couldn’t because they were going out for a drink first. (They were legal age, but Chelsea was not.)

When Zachary returned home that evening I asked him how the movie was. He said it was good and headed downstairs. A few seconds later there was an incredible commotion coming from the basement and Zachary came running up the stairs with Chelsea right behind him. Chelsea was screaming, “Really? Really?!! Was it REALLY?!!!!” Zachary plopped down at the kitchen table, put his head in his hands, and wailed, “Yes, it WAS a date! Oh, how did I let her get that out of me?!”

I think I can explain. I’m sure that when Zachary went downstairs, Chelsea asked her usual question, “How was your date?” Zachary, being a bit preoccupied, absent-mindedly answered, “Good.” And that’s when the screaming started.

Yeah, that all sounds about right. I believe I said nothing, and that was all that Chelsea needed.

Zachary wanted his proposal to be a surprise, but he also wanted to let me pick out my own ring. He got a “proposal ring” for that night, and later we went to visit Jared’s to look at engagement rings. It took us a few stops at Jared’s to find the ring we wanted, and by a few I mean six. Every time we went to Jared’s, I’d say, “well, maybe I like this one better.” I couldn’t make up my mind! One of the hard things for us was not necessarily the engagement ring, but the wedding band to go with it. If the band didn’t come with the engagement ring, we had trouble finding one that would work well with it. Jane, our sales associate, was very patient with Zachary and me.

On one of our first visits, we found an engagement ring that both Zachary and I liked, and we even found a wedding band that went pretty well with it. We wanted to think about it a little more, so we had Jane write it down, and we said we would come back. The next Friday that Zachary was home, we went to visit Jared’s again. While we were waiting for Jane to pull out the rings we had looked at before, we browsed the other engagement rings again. Of course, we found another ring that we liked. It had four little diamonds on each side of the mounting. It was simple yet elegant, which is exactly what I wanted. We had Jane pull this new ring out as well, and I tried both rings on. Zachary and I ended up deciding on the new ring and found a very nice wedding band to go with it.  The wedding band has a row of 12 small diamonds on it, and it looks perfect with the engagement ring! Just to be sure, we said we’d come back tomorrow. Saturday, we made the purchase, and Jane gave me the wedding band, and I gave Jane the proposal ring. Jared’s removed the diamond and the mounting from the proposal ring placed it into the engagement ring. After church on Sunday, we picked up the engagement ring.

The engagement ring!

This is of course old news now, but it is something that I wanted to document and share with those who have not heard the whole story in person.

I had originally planned to propose on August 14, 2009. Therefore, when the middle of June rolled around, I planned a trip home to see Clarissa and my family, and I called my mother up and asked if she would like to go engagement ring browsing with me. She agreed, and we decided that the last day that I was home, Sunday, June 21, should work well. I had a nice weekend at home, and on Sunday, my mother and I went and checked out the Jared location in Maple Grove. We were greeted by a representative named Jane, and she explained the different options and helped us browse through some different diamonds and bands. That day, I looked at a nice Leo diamond and a simple solitaire band that I liked, and I knew Clarissa would like, too. Jane was no pressure, and since I did not want to buy that day, she wrote down my contact information and the stone and band information. Then we left. I knew I would be back home to make the purchase before August 14.

Then the beginning of July rolls around. It has become clear that I am not going to be able to defend my thesis in time to make the August graduation deadline. That means I will still be in Milwaukee on August 14. Clarissa has made a few subtle hints about engagements and weddings. August 14 quits looking like such an ideal date. On July 10, I called up Jane to see what my options are. They still have the same diamond and band in the store. I decide that I want it. It was designed to be a proposal ring so that Clarissa and I could go back in later and select a different band and a wedding band to go with it. Jane finalizes the details, but the transaction must be paid for by the person who picks up the ring. That is inconvenient, but my mother agrees to pay temporarily so that she can pick up the ring for me.

My mother picked up the ring on Tuesday, July 21. Clarissa was planning on visiting me the next weekend, and my mother always sends a paper bag or two full of food and mail for me. She slipped the ring in with a pair of flip flops for me in the bottom of the bag and covered the box with boxes of cereal. Clarissa picked up the bag from my mother and brought it to Milwaukee for me. I proposed that Friday night, and she never even knew she brought her own engagement ring to Milwaukee!

The proposal ring.

FINALLY, after many visits to a bunch of fantastic venues, we have selected a reception hall! At first, Zachary and I weren’t sure what we were looking for in a reception hall, but as we saw more locations and what they offered, we began to get a better idea. We realized that not all halls would serve Zachary’s grandfather’s wine, which we really wanted to do. (Look for it at the wedding!) Also, I liked the idea of not having to decorate the hall too much.

Since Zachary is in Milwaukee until December, I visited all of reception halls. Two people that really helped me were my mom and soon to be mother-in-law, Donna. My mom went to most of the reception hall viewings with me, and Donna went to all of them. (Natalie and Colette came to a few, too!) Donna also helped do an analysis of the different halls, so we could figure out which ones we liked best.

The reception hall we decided to go with was actually a last minute addition. My mom had heard from a friend that we should check out St. Vincent De Paul, and when I walked in the door I thought, “Wow, I want my reception here.” It has windows, a lovely entry-way, nice tables and chairs, a patio, a dance floor, table decorations, and the flexibility that Zachary and I wanted for a reception hall. (Not to mention my brother assured me that the food is good, too!)

Almost guaranteed, selecting a church will be the easiest step in our wedding preparations. I have been a parishioner at St. Joseph the Worker my entire life, and Clarissa has been a parishioner since fourth grade when her family moved here. After Clarissa and I graduated from eighth grade at St. Raphael’s School, Sunday Mass at St. Joseph the Worker was when we saw each other most often. We simply cannot imagine getting married anywhere else.

Whenever my family arrived at Mass, the first thing they would do is try to point out Clarissa for me if she and her family were there, too. I was always excited she was there, and I looked forward to talking to her when Mass was over. After Mass, I would go find Clarissa, and we would talk until our families decided it was time to leave. After Clarissa and I started dating, I was amused to learn that Clarissa’s family did much the same thing. When they got to the church, they would also look around trying to find me in the pews. I also learned that Clarissa shared the same excitement when she found me in church on a Sunday. After we started dating, our families started sitting together on Sunday when we went to the same Mass. One pew was taken up by Clarissa’s family, then Clarissa, then me, and then my family.

After grade school, Zachary and I went to different high schools. We saw each other during church, but didn’t have any contact besides that. In college I decided to sign up for AOL Instant Messenger and started instant messaging Zachary. He guessed who I was on the first try, and we continued messaging throughout college. Halfway through the summer after my senior year, Zachary and I started hanging out even more. One time we went to the Osseo outdoor movie, another time to Olive Garden, and to the 2008 Opus company picnic. He started paying whenever we got together, and I started getting suspicious…

One Sunday during church we decided to go to a movie and get drinks (so Chelsea and Ben couldn’t come). On August 14, 2009, we went to the Cladaugh for beers and then to the AMC to watch “The Dark Knight.” I had an idea that Zachary liked me, but wasn’t sure. Earlier that night I had decided to “check” and see if he liked me. While we were watching the movie, I leaned on the armrest of the theater seat to see if he would stay where he was or if he would move away. We sat with our shoulders together, whispering different thoughts throughout the movie. At the end of the movie, we stayed to watch the credits. There was a point in time when we were looking at each other and neither of us were talking… Then I looked away, and we decided to leave.

I drove Zachary home that night and when we stopped in his driveway.  He asked, “did I miss an opportunity in the theater?” I hadn’t quite heard what he said so I asked “what?” He quickly said, “nevermind” and opened the door to leave. What he said registered, and I said “wait!” We spent a little time talking and decided that it was worth chancing our friendship and start dating. Right before Zachary got out of the car, he kissed me on the cheek, and I drove home smiling.

A lot of people have been asking how long I’ve known Zachary, so I thought I would write about how we met. Zachary and I met in fourth grade at St. Raphael’s Catholic School. I was new to the school, and didn’t have anyone to sit with on the bus. I probably looked pretty scared too, since I had never ridden a bus before.  So, being the gentleman that he is, he offered me the seat next to him. Zachary was my first friend at St. Raphael’s. We became really good friends, and spent a lot of time together in grade school.

It turns out that neither the proposal or the wedding will fall on our “ideal” dates. My plan was to propose on August 14, 2009 and get married on August 14, 2010. August 14 is significant because Clarissa and I began dating on August 14, 2008, and we somewhat informally and non-verbally decided that a year to date and a year to be engaged would be appropriate for us. However, my master’s thesis defense got pushed back possibly conflicting with the August 14, 2009 date so I decided to propose earlier when Clarissa came to visit me. When we called St. Joseph the Worker Catholic Church on Monday, someone had already booked August 14, 2010 so we decided to take the weekend before.

I did not. I am amazed at how often I get asked this question. I was planning on getting down on one knee, but the situation just didn’t lend itself to it. Clarissa and I were sitting on one of the semicircle outcroppings along the Milwaukee river. We were right next to each other, and we had our arms around each other. When I pulled out the ring and asked Clarissa to marry me, it just would not have worked to have moved or gotten up to get down on one knee. Clarissa isn’t holding it against me, and I feel like I did everything else as traditionally as possible. I called Clarissa’s father the Tuesday before I proposed, and I of course gave her a nice ring when I asked the question.

When we called our parents, we decided to call Donna first. Donna had known that Zachary was going to propose, and evidently so did my dad. Zachary had called him the Tuesday before to ask for my father’s blessing. Really my mom was the only one who “didn’t know” that  we were getting engaged. Even though it was late at night, (12:30 in the morning) we decided to call my house. Matt was the only one up, and after answering starting asking me if I knew what time it was. I ended up getting him to stop chastising me by saying “Matt, it’s important!” Then after Zachary and I told him we were engaged, he said “Ohhhhhhhhhh. Congratulations!” After we talked to Matt for a bit, I got him to wake up Mom and Dad. Even though she sounded half asleep, I finally got to tell my mom the exciting news: “I’m engaged!”